I'm Quite Sure the British Know a Thing or Two About Afghanistan

Everybody Needs a Gurkha

Urgh. I really do hate these comparisons in which the British Empire's activities in Afghanistan are related to those undertaken today by the American Empire. It annoys me. I saw this cartoon from Time Magazine which depicted a python which had two lumps in its body named "The British Empire" and the "Soviet Union". A caricature of Uncle Sam was about to be enveloped by Afghanistan too. The British Empire was hardly brought down by a few troublesome Pashtun. To say or allude to such is sheer ignorance of history.

The circumstances which brought Britain and The United States to Afghanistan is much different albeit the purposes may vicariously be similiar. Britain got involved in that Central Asian country due to the fact that Russia and Britain both competed for influence in Persia (Iran) and Afghanistan. Britain wished to protect India while Russia wished to expand her territory to more pleasant climes. I can't blame the British though. Every major conquerer of India came from the North-West. The greatest fear of the British Foreign Office was that one day, cossacks would come down unto Northern India like the White Huns, Mongols, Mughals and Aryans before it.

And so - the British invaded attempting to place a puppet leader, Shah Suja to replace the current ruler of Afghanistan Dost Mohammed. Soon the British were off retreating to Jalalabad where they were massacred to almost a man. The British people were scared that their Empire which had so benefited their lives and made some of them rich was in peril. British India had to accept the rule of Dost Mohammed. It gets better for the British though...

Nearly 40 years later Anglo-Saxon and Pathan are at it again. A punitive expedition to Afghanistan was arranged because the Afghans didn't want to accept British rule over their foreign relations also in 1879 they murdered a British envoy and his staff. It seems to the observer of British history that anytime Britain is fighting in Afghanistan, it's always fighting somewhere else too. In the first Anglo-Afghan war Britain had it's navy battling Chinese junks and it's army in Bengal was invading the Burmese kingdom. This time, it was fighting the Zulu at Isandlwana. Anyways, this time the British defeated the Afghans and placed their own ruler as the head of the country and controlled it's foreign relations. It just goes to show, you can defeat the Afghans.

In the Third Angl0-Afghan war, Britain was beset with problems. It was intervening in the Russian Civil War, British Somaliland was rebelling, Persia had officially left it's sphere of influence, it nearly went to war with Turkey in support of Greece and it's client in Arabia was defeated by the Saud clan. What's Afghanistan to controlling the rich oil fields of Basra? It was up to the Gurkha's and Sikhs again aided by British bombers to beat back the Afghans.

The British had to protect India. That's the only reason they gave a goddamn about Afghanistan. Now the Americans are only in there to prevent the Taliban and Al Qaeda agents from taking over. They're fighting a war in Afghanistan which needs to be one in Pakistan and in the hearts and minds of the Middle East. Even their strategy is non-sensical. America has to play the strategic game. It has to think like a cold-hearted foreign office employee who's helping to direct strategy to sepoy generals. If the US was actually the British Army it would....

a) Hire Iraqis, South Koreans, Japanese and all other members of the American Empire to engage Afghans in combat. Even Gurkhas!

b) After destroying the countryside, driving out the population and killing most tribal leaders it would have to buy off certain warlords to ensure that Pakistan would not be threatned by a Taliban take over

c) It would have to make it's North-West Frontier Force to limit weapons and personnel smuggling in the Hindu Kush region

d)Control the foreign relations and make Afghanistan a vassal state for years to come

America would also have to realize that controlling Afghanistan to even the greatest degree possible takes time. Perhaps 40 years of off and on fighting, invasions and counter invasions and the occasional massacre. America has to get real about its Empire and crack open a British Military History book.